So, things went well our first few years in the new city with Chase. All of the educational objectives that we thought were important for her were taken seriously. We were met with cooperation and respect, something we had never gotten before, so it was like a bright ray of sunshine. We had no idea that we could be treated in such a respectful way, and it was so nice. We felt like we had entered the dawn after being in the dark for such a long time.

Elementary school was great for Chase in the new city. We were given everything we asked for, and it was great to have the feeling that we and the school were "on the same side" for the first time ever. We felt like it was a united effort instead of a war for the first time since we had entered the public school system with Chase when she was three years old.

Middle school would prove to give us some challenges. Middle school is always difficult for any student...who would want to be thirteen again? Kids can be very cruel, and it is hard to fit in even under the best circumstances. It is an awkward age for anyone, trying to grow up, and the "kids" always seem to be competing for the "top-dog" position in every situation. My hat is off to anyone who feels "called" to teach these alien beings (thanks, Kim), because they seem to be the most vile beings on the planet (in my opinion). They can be mean, and their aim seems to be to promote themselves and demote others at all cost. This would become evident to us in our first few years there with both of our older daughters. Fortunately, for Chase, this would not be evident to her. She was oblivious to it at most times, but our her big sister would suffer from this, and it would make life difficult for her in many ways.

Our first challenge with Chase occurred when she was in middle school. We got a call from the principal that there had been a problem in a P.E. class. Apparently, the kids were getting dressed out of their P.E. uniforms into their school clothes, and Chase was not able to keep up with them. We thought that there was an assistant that was to be there to make sure that she was getting things done as she should, but we were apparently mistaken. The other students got dressed and were ready to get to their next classes, and Chase was left behind. She panicked and thought that she was being left behind, so she left the dressing room having only gotten her shirt on. She had no pants on yet. She walked across the entire campus in her shirt, socks, and tennis shoes. She had no pants on. Along the way, she encountered jeers, laughter, and whistles. She had no idea of how to deal with this, and she was horrified. She arrived at her destination, her classroom, and her teacher had to take her back to the gym to retrieve her pants. I finally got the call after all of this had happened, and I was horrified, to say the least.

My first response was to call her dad and let him know about what had happened. As a dad, he immediately wanted to call someone on it and let them know that he felt that his daughter had been violated. By the time he got home from work, the teacher had called to let us know what had happened. We really flew into a rage at that point and wanted to hurt someone. About that time, Chase arrived home on the bus. She was crying, saying that all of the kids had laughed at her. To a parent, having your child laughed at is so much worse than having your child beaten to a pulp at school. The emotional trauma lasts so much longer than a physical trauma, and it hurts your heart to have your child cry in your arms over being laughed at. I can think back at the time when I was in junior high school...laughter was the ultimate humiliation for me, and I think of Chase. She doesn't understand any of the normal social crap that kids have to deal with...she only knows that they were laughing at her and that it hurt her feelings. How does a parent try to explain that to a kid, much less a kid that only sees good in others? She had no idea of how to get angry about it, she did not understand that kids do this to make themselves look better to others, and she could not transfer any of it to the kids that did it. She only knew that it hurt her feelings, that it made her cry. Try comforting a child like this when there is no way to comfort her. It will hurt you to your bones, to your very being, and it will enrage you in a way that you had no idea was possible. You will feel an anger and rage that will probably scare you. It will make you understand the guy on the highway who shoots a fellow driver who has cut him off from an exit. You will wish for a firearm and want to search for the culprit.

We made it through that debacle, and by this time we were ready to move on to a new school system. Chase's dad took a new job in a city two hours to the west, and we were on the move again. We purchased another "fixer-upper" and were ready to start anew again. Chase's sister chose to stay to finish her senior year, and it was a difficult and heartrending decision for us to let her do it. In the end, we arranged for her to live with her Sunday School teacher for the year. She had made it through her middle school years well, even though it was a challenge, and we wanted for her to finish her high school years with the peers with whom she had built relationships and the adults with whom she had learned to trust. We would have to deal with the distance between us, but we would be as supportive as possible. Her grandparents would be there for her, which was a comfort to us, and we would try to move on in the new city with her sisters.

We were pleasantly surprised with the new city. We met with school officials about Chase, and we were assured that they had Chase's best interests at heart, and we actually believed it. She started out in a middle school, and we chose to put her back a grade from where she had been previously. We felt that she had been treading water in the last school, just coasting, and we wanted to get her into a position where we thought she should be.

Chase met new teachers and new friends. She was readily accepted into the choir program, which surprised and thrilled us. You see, Chase can't carry a tune in a bucket, but she has a passion for singing. Even if she doesn't know the words to a song (which is most of the time), she will sing along with unbridled enthusiasm. She loves music and anything to do with it. It is such a joy to listen to her sing...it brings joy to even the hardest heart, because she gives it all she has.

We were so pleased with the acceptance with which she was greeted. The director was not worried about Chase disrupting a performance, and we knew that this was a possibility. She sang so enthusiastically, but it wasn't always on the same lines or pitch as the others. She was never singled out as missing a line, a pitch, or a note. This makes me eternally grateful to her choir teacher. He was never worried that Chase would make the choir look bad...he continued to put her on the stage at performances. It is so great to see a child performing, but it is such a complete joy to see a child with a disability, who may not know all of the words or all of the music, enjoy performing with the rest of the choir. This gave Chase such a sense of belonging, and it is probably one of the most important things in which she was involved. These are the kids who showed us the beautiful acceptance that was possible. They gave Chase the acceptance that she had craved, even though she didn't have a clue that this was what she wanted.

I can't tell you what a joy it was to run into a student from Chase's school and have that student stop to talk to Chase, to give her a hug, and to make her feel like "one of the crowd."

Belonging is such a fundamental need to humans, but it is not usually something that we think of. It's one thing for adults (like me and her dad) to feel welcome and accepted, but it is completley another prospect for a student to accept, respect and embrace someone when that person is coming in from a foreign place (even though it may be only hours away). The physical distance is never as significant as the intellectual and emotional distance. A person may choose to live in a location of his choice, but on arrival, this person may find the locale to have less to contribute to his life than his previous address. We didn't find it too difficult when we made the move to the new city, but we also knew that belonging would be a major endeavor for us.